Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
