Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
