You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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