do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
