Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.