I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member