i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.