I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?