I heard we made out
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015