note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize