I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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