I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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