I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
