One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
