i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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