Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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