just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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