that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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