i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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