u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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