a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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