she was so not down for the gang bang
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
