I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
