11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
