i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
