three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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