So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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