A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
