Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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