Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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