oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
