my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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