blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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