I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And then the night went full on bisexual.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
