if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
