I smell stomach acid.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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