Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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