just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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