you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
