That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would fuck him just for his dog
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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