Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
