guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize