I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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