yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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