the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
