we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
