She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
