wrigley field is MILF paradise
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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