I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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