I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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