he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
