i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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