i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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