He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want a musical about memes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
