There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
