you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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