New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
