i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
