Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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