I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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