now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
