ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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