Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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