my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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