That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
