they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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