their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
