i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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