Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
